I’ve talked about some personal topics on here, like how I manage with anxiety and depression. Being honest, I keep so much close to the chest because putting things on the internet can be scary. I’ve also kept things pretty private about my relationships because I don’t want to share other people’s business, especially in very early stages. But this is my and Erica’s blog, and we can do what we want. (*insert sassy hand motion*)
I recently ended things with a guy I was seeing. And my heart hurt… a LOT. To the point where I could barely function the first few days. I wasn’t sleeping, I couldn’t eat, I spent literally all day thinking about him. What is he doing, is he as sad as I was, re-living everything that happened. I felt so many conflicting emotions: disappointment, betrayal, relief, sadness. Disappointed he wasn’t reaching out to reconcile or check on me, sad that reality didn’t match what I pictured, and relieved that the pressures of that particular relationship were gone, all at the same time.
The funny thing is, deep down, I knew that it wasn’t going to last weeks before it ended. I felt the excited/new relationship butterflies, but I never felt magical “he’s the one” spark. So, I built up this amazing relationship in my head, convincing myself that it was going to work. He told me things that I wanted to hear, about how he was falling for me and wanted a relationship with me. I ate it all up and read into everything I could that said he wanted to be with me long term. And then he lied to me, completely betraying my trust and everything came crashing down, real and made up.
What now? What are you doing to get over the breakup?
- Talking to my therapist (and all my friends). I contacted my therapist basically immediately after the breakup call. Thankfully she was able to see me that day and she gave me some advice (which I’ll include here) that I’ve been following. There’s something about vocalizing your thoughts that’s so relieving. I was able to process things I didn’t expect to (like red flags I was ignoring) directly because of this.
Rating: 10/10, DO THIS FIRST. Talking things out is one of the biggest things that has helped me process the varied emotions I’m having (also thank you to my friends and family).
- Jamming out to a heartbreak playlist. Just Like A Pill is my little anthem for this time in my life. There’s some research on how break ups are a little like a chemical withdrawal and this song reminds me of that. Also it’s peak sing/scream worthy. Other notable songs include: anything by Olivia Rodrigo (ironically “Traitor” was my song for him because of the line “God I wish you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you”), Since U Been Gone, thank u next, Truth Hurts, I knew you were trouble, and Soulmate (for when you’re reaching the end of your heartbreak).
Rating: 8/10, Would sometimes make me cry, but usually felt better if I danced it out.
- Making a list of all the red flags. This was a direct result of my conversation with my therapist – writing down all the red flags and things that just weren’t right. I included things like: things he did that I didn’t like, the lying (duh), the way I felt when we were together, etc. Basically all the things that were telling me “no” that I was ignoring. (Rose-colored glasses are real, and hindsight is 20/20).
Rating: 7/10, I still refer back to this anytime I’m feeling like texting him, but it made me angry to make.
- Diving into dating. A lot of people told me to dive headfirst back into dating. And I tried it. I matched with a few people on Bumble and Hinge, and went on a few dates. The first one was the worst. I wasn’t myself, I wasn’t happy/excited/giggly. I was still feeling knots in my stomach and that didn’t stop for the date. The next couple ones were a little better, but I wish I had taken time for myself before I jumped back into dating. I simply wasn’t ready. Now that more time has passed, I’m more ready, but I wish I had held off a little longer.
Rating: 3/10, I should not be breaking hearts just because my heart is broken.
- Getting out of the house, socializing, getting busy. This is dependent on whether we’re in a pandemic and how you’re feeling. I continued doing COVID-safe activities (working out outside, working out inside with a mask, I went to a golf clinic, hung out with my friends, went to the pool), and most of the time, it felt great. Every once in a while, I’d start to get down, but being out of my depression hole was really great for helping me re-balance.
Rating: 7/10, the times where I was REALLY down, this was very hard. But as I started to heal, this became really helpful to getting back to my full, happy, amazing self.
Break ups are tough, but so are we.